she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
