What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
In America we eat man semen.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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