Whats the glycemic index on semen?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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