last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I skipped work to stalk him.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
