I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
