Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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