I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
