you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
