if only i could text you this smell
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
