Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
