Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
