The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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