Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
