guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
