Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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