Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
