I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
