The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
