well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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