Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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