Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
