I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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