So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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