I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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