Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
