I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
