I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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