ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
