we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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