So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
