I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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