And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
