The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
