yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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