I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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