you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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