i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
