dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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