Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
