I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
