The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
