your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
