my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
