im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
