That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
