honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
