Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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