where does the pee come out of this thing
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
