she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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