you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
