wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
