I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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